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OtherOrientedApproach

Other Oriented Approach
In intimacy

The first years of our life, we are in survival mode. With mind not developed, we instinctively look for safe zone. We are instinctively quite selfish.

Then the next few years we start including people who are like us, we make friends of our type, usually same sex peers and friends. Remember, we have also been through a phase where we don’t like to be in the group of opposite sex.

Boys playing together and girls playing together. We have little expanded our horizon, were we include like people beyond our family.

Then the phase starts where we start getting attracted to the opposite sex, a major portion of it is sub-conscious. Likely, to remain for a long time to come. We are now including someone who is not like us. We are now included more. And with marriage, it is like we include a new person and his/her family as well.

And again after few more years, we go beyond our family and include the entire community. You are in an influential position and help the wider community and have a purpose, where you are a benefit to them.

Maturity increases with age, ideally! You become more and more other-oriented. Unfortunately, many now, do age chronologically, but psychologically are still in their first few years. Most still remain selfish.

This selfishness is carried in intimate relationship too. And the whole thing starts with what will I get? and continues to be so, unless they get a breakthrough.

Intimacy, however is all about other-oriented-approach. Intimacy is where your partner, his/her, joy & likes, is what is important. Both have this responsibility. However, the dynamics of how a man enjoys and how a woman enjoys are very different.

‘Givers gain’. Life is an echo. Give love and you will get love. Give joy and you will get joy.

Let it start with selfishness! Somewhere down the line understand the futility of being selfish. Sooner the better. Even if it is just intellectual in the beginning. It will soon become experiential also. You start giving, and you will see the magic starting. Partner will re-ciprocrate and will start giving in the relationship.

Such a couple will soon, transcend!

Who in the couple should give first?
This question is futile in the higher sense. As there is no ‘two’!
But at the down-to-earth level, it is the person who is mature and understanding would be the first to give, in the relationship.

What should i exactly do?
Of course, this is all philosophical if you lack the actual knowledge, skills, technique, sequence and higher purpose.
For men
Intimacy for women starts with trust, appreciation, love and emotional connect. She should feel safe and secure. A long foreplay, a sensitive arousal, slowly taking her to her peak of orgasm, and a good afterplay. Small issues like nagging, mood swings etc. will just drop off from the system. Your woman will be calmer, her hormones will be balanced, she will be on high for long.
For Women
Men love to be encouraged and appreciated. Boosting their ego is a good idea. This increases their confidence both inside and outside. They also love it, when their woman initiates. Unlike woman, it may not be that elaborate. It is a skill to keep man high without taking him to climax.

Even otherwise, in any relationship, have the other-oriented approach and you will see magic happening. In intimate relationship it is will create miracles!

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Diwali of 2023

Diwali is the festival of ‘lights’. What better way to celebrate than being with light incarnate. Physically being in the Guru’s Kshetra, was a delight to the heart, peace to the mind and solace to the soul.

In marathi there is a famous proverb, ‘Sant yeta ghari tochi Diwali Dasra’. Literally means, When masters come to your house that is Diwali, Dasra. And when you are at Guru’s ashram that is Diwali, Dasra of another kind altogether.

Koti Koti pranaam to Guruji Dr. Premji Nirmal and Guruma Bharati Nirmal for everything! Shining stars who give direction!

We started from Amritsar on our road journey to Palampur. On the way we asked for blessings from Chintyapurni Mata, Jawalaji Mata and Chamunda devi. It was also the day of Vasubaras. On the way we asked for the blessings of Gaumata too.

Many people visit these shakti peethas for taking their kul devi’s darshan. These shakti peetha’s are Divine and Serene, the energy here is palpable and stories associated with the Devi’s fills our heart with awe, respect and love.

Jawalaji Mata temple is built by Raja Bhumi Chand, Katoch of Kangra, a great devotee of the goddess Durga. King Akbar tried to extinguish the flames with no success at all.

The legend has it that Devi Chamunda emerged from an eyebrow of Goddess Durga. After a fierce battle, Devi killed both these generals of demon kings Shumbha and Nishumbha i.e. Shumbha Nishumbha two brothers that means self doubt and doubt on the others.

It felt like we completed full circle. Chintyapurni Mata is the slayer of stress and worries. Jawalaji Mata the bestower of clarity and Chamunda Mata remover of Doubt!

With these blessings, with heart full of divine restlessness and love, we then made our way to the ultimate!

Himachal Pradesh is also known as Dev Bhoomi and more so Palampur. We reached ‘Mahavataar Babaji Meditation Centre Trust’, Ramchhehr, Himachal Pradesh. The natural beauty over there is breathtaking and Babaji’s presence can be felt all over the place.

Babaji’s message –

* Diwali is a festival of lights. Light outside as well as the light inside. The way we do cleanliness outside, we should also do cleanliness inside. Cleanliness of our thoughts. SIt in solititude, get into the meditative state and ‘Vicharo ka Manthan karo’. Do the churning of thoughts inside.

* Apni Hardik vedana ko divya anand mein parivartan karo – Literally means convert your heartfelt pains into Divine happiness.

* Mila hai jeevan dhanya hone ke liye sukhad avasar hai na ki khone ke liye – We have got this life, so that we get into that ‘blessed’ state. This life is not a happy opportunity to be wasted.

Babaji stressed on the point of taking care of elders. Our parents who have given us so much in life, we should take care and love them when they are old. Not out of some selfish motives but out of love and gratitude.

He also stressed on the point of Vyavahaar Shuddhi. Being clear in give and take especially of money, especially because we all are Grihasti’s. Money is part and parcel of life.

Once you are in the Kshetra of Babaji, one feels connected, loved, overwhelmed and calm too! All of us who had gathered were so happy and joyful and our eyes were all the time looking out for Babaji. Everybody feels equally connected to him, his energy and the place. I heard stories of how Babaji helps, works, guides and most of all showers his blessings to one and all in different different ways. If anyone feels left out, then it is only his individual feeling, otherwise his love is oozing out all the time!

On the day of Diwali in the morning we participated in Havan, basked in the sun with Babaji and in the evening we all chanted Hanuman Chalisa twice. When so all of us sang Hanuman Chalisa in one rhythm, the group energy created wonders and we all felt elated.

गुरुर्ब्रह्मा ग्रुरुर्विष्णुः गुरुर्देवो महेश्वरः।
गुरुः साक्षात् परं ब्रह्म तस्मै श्री गुरवे नमः।।

Guru Brahma Gurur Vishnu

Guru Devo Maheshwaraha

Guru Saakshat Para Brahma

Tasmai Sree Gurave Namaha

Gratitude of all the Guru’s of Gurumandala, my parents, my family, my ancestors, Gurubandhu’s and friends.

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Intimacy in Relationships

Intimacy is that togetherness, that bond, closeness between two people where both enjoy, feel safe, secure, cared, loved and free from any judgement.

Looking for a partner in life is a very natural instinct. It is embedded in every cell of our body. The first cell that is created has GB’s and GB’s of data stored in it. As a part of this, even sexual programming is embedded / hard-coded. Leave a male and a female in a deserted island from their childhood, they will instinctively mate later on.

The need to relate to someone in love, is a very natural thing, human thing. Otherwise the feeling of incompleteness remains. In fact we need various types of relationships. We need friends, brother, sister, cousins, colleagues and relatives.

We are all fragments of the same energy cloth. Even if we merge into just one more fragment, ‘oneness’ is experienced. This ‘oneness’ is the highest state of spirituality. Something that is possible at human body level. When the couple come together and have orgasmic experience, they get a glimpse of that oneness, together. If they can maintain that state longer with sadhana and awareness, it is like touching ‘samadhi’. That is why they say that ‘Lovers gain, what sages seek’.

Physical intimacy without emotional intimacy is very dry. In fact that is not even intimacy. To have a deeper experience, to feel fulfilled, satisfied and contained, emotional connect is required. A vast majority of the couples today are emotionally disconnected. Intimacy feels odd, mushy, cheesy and silly to an inhibited mind.

Just about keeping all the distractions away to understand what the partner likes and actually doing that, is intimacy.

Start earlier

Intimacy does not need to be timed. Include it into your overall life. Talk to each other, share stories, talk about fears, talk about likes and dislikes, send messages, pay attention, cook together. As they say it ‘Stay in touch’. Show your love, express it, verbalise it. Not all are mind readers.The feminine nature loves especially to listen. For the feminine nature, it is not only about the physical aspect but it is about the emotional connection.

Safe and Secure

During physical intimacy see that the environment is good. Of course, physical or emotional harm is a big no-no. See that there is enough privacy. Otherwise attention will be diverted and the couple will miss out on being in the present moment and enjoying it. There should be enough time in hand. It is not an instant coffee! It is a gourmet meal!

Cared and Loved

Genuine interest in each other should be shown in your acts. Look and understand at each other’s likes and dislikes and accommodate them. The moment you enter into a relationship you have matured enough to include another person into your life with his/her entire package. A person who is cared and loved has another level of sense of security in the world outside too.

Free from Judgement

The tendency to label a person is very heavy. And once this judgement is formed we stick to it. Sometimes it is an escape route for us, especially if we are skillless to change our own judgemental attitude. Your partner may have different likes and dislikes compared to you, in overall life as well as in the physical intimacy. Talk, communicate and express and find a golden balance in all aspects. If one likes movies and one likes nature, alternatively plan to enjoy with each other.

Sometimes the cultural conditionings does not allow us to enjoy. Enjoyment is considered as something like a taboo, to the extend that some start believing that it is not required at all! As Osho says, Seriousness is a disease.

Physical closeness –

The other day I met a lady and she said they do not have time at all for Intimacy. One works in the night and one works in the day!

The current lifestyle is such that we have many other things going on, like work, social media, TV. We end up getting our feel-good hormone quota from this. So, it looks like we are doing good. But somewhere down the line, we realize that this is definitely not it!

Foreplay –

Only quickies will make the partner feel used. Many feel that love making is more like an instant bite. The feminine nature needs a lot of foreplay and after play as well.

Right from talking sweet nothings in the ear to exploring the erogenous zones and making her ready, all is the part of foreplay. Foreplay is satisfying to the women for sure, but even men enjoy it.

Appreciate

They say that even God’s and Goddess’s love it when they receive praise. Appreciation makes one feel wanted, desired and this really boosts up self-esteem and confidence. Encourage each other in life’s situations, activities and achievements. Appreciate your partner.

When you are intimate with your partner, you are in the mode of surrender and totally vulnerable. This itself shows you are courageous! Have a solution based mindset and be open to explore, learn, implement and transcend. Bonding between such a couple is strong and when they start a family, their children are the most benefitted. The entire family is happy and enjoying.

Such a happy person can reach to his/her peak in personal, professional and in other realm as well.

Priti Patil is a Corporate Trainer, a Sound Therapist, a very different kind of Women Empowerment Coach and a Counsellor. She has touched lives of 3000+ people with her workshops and counselling. Priti regularly takes ‘Intimacy Education’ classes.

Contact – Priti Patil – +91 8088393304

Email – Priti Patil – pritipatil248@gmail.com

Whatsapp – https://wa.me/+918088393304