Intimacy is that togetherness, that bond, closeness between two people where both enjoy, feel safe, secure, cared, loved and free from any judgement.
Looking for a partner in life is a very natural instinct. It is embedded in every cell of our body. The first cell that is created has GB’s and GB’s of data stored in it. As a part of this, even sexual programming is embedded / hard-coded. Leave a male and a female in a deserted island from their childhood, they will instinctively mate later on.
The need to relate to someone in love, is a very natural thing, human thing. Otherwise the feeling of incompleteness remains. In fact we need various types of relationships. We need friends, brother, sister, cousins, colleagues and relatives.
We are all fragments of the same energy cloth. Even if we merge into just one more fragment, ‘oneness’ is experienced. This ‘oneness’ is the highest state of spirituality. Something that is possible at human body level. When the couple come together and have orgasmic experience, they get a glimpse of that oneness, together. If they can maintain that state longer with sadhana and awareness, it is like touching ‘samadhi’. That is why they say that ‘Lovers gain, what sages seek’.
Physical intimacy without emotional intimacy is very dry. In fact that is not even intimacy. To have a deeper experience, to feel fulfilled, satisfied and contained, emotional connect is required. A vast majority of the couples today are emotionally disconnected. Intimacy feels odd, mushy, cheesy and silly to an inhibited mind.
Just about keeping all the distractions away to understand what the partner likes and actually doing that, is intimacy.
Start earlier
Intimacy does not need to be timed. Include it into your overall life. Talk to each other, share stories, talk about fears, talk about likes and dislikes, send messages, pay attention, cook together. As they say it ‘Stay in touch’. Show your love, express it, verbalise it. Not all are mind readers.The feminine nature loves especially to listen. For the feminine nature, it is not only about the physical aspect but it is about the emotional connection.
Safe and Secure
During physical intimacy see that the environment is good. Of course, physical or emotional harm is a big no-no. See that there is enough privacy. Otherwise attention will be diverted and the couple will miss out on being in the present moment and enjoying it. There should be enough time in hand. It is not an instant coffee! It is a gourmet meal!
Cared and Loved
Genuine interest in each other should be shown in your acts. Look and understand at each other’s likes and dislikes and accommodate them. The moment you enter into a relationship you have matured enough to include another person into your life with his/her entire package. A person who is cared and loved has another level of sense of security in the world outside too.
Free from Judgement
The tendency to label a person is very heavy. And once this judgement is formed we stick to it. Sometimes it is an escape route for us, especially if we are skillless to change our own judgemental attitude. Your partner may have different likes and dislikes compared to you, in overall life as well as in the physical intimacy. Talk, communicate and express and find a golden balance in all aspects. If one likes movies and one likes nature, alternatively plan to enjoy with each other.
Sometimes the cultural conditionings does not allow us to enjoy. Enjoyment is considered as something like a taboo, to the extend that some start believing that it is not required at all! As Osho says, Seriousness is a disease.
Physical closeness –
The other day I met a lady and she said they do not have time at all for Intimacy. One works in the night and one works in the day!
The current lifestyle is such that we have many other things going on, like work, social media, TV. We end up getting our feel-good hormone quota from this. So, it looks like we are doing good. But somewhere down the line, we realize that this is definitely not it!
Foreplay –
Only quickies will make the partner feel used. Many feel that love making is more like an instant bite. The feminine nature needs a lot of foreplay and after play as well.
Right from talking sweet nothings in the ear to exploring the erogenous zones and making her ready, all is the part of foreplay. Foreplay is satisfying to the women for sure, but even men enjoy it.
Appreciate
They say that even God’s and Goddess’s love it when they receive praise. Appreciation makes one feel wanted, desired and this really boosts up self-esteem and confidence. Encourage each other in life’s situations, activities and achievements. Appreciate your partner.
When you are intimate with your partner, you are in the mode of surrender and totally vulnerable. This itself shows you are courageous! Have a solution based mindset and be open to explore, learn, implement and transcend. Bonding between such a couple is strong and when they start a family, their children are the most benefitted. The entire family is happy and enjoying.
Such a happy person can reach to his/her peak in personal, professional and in other realm as well.
Priti Patil is a Corporate Trainer, a Sound Therapist, a very different kind of Women Empowerment Coach and a Counsellor. She has touched lives of 3000+ people with her workshops and counselling. Priti regularly takes ‘Intimacy Education’ classes.
Contact – Priti Patil – +91 8088393304
Email – Priti Patil – pritipatil248@gmail.com
Whatsapp – https://wa.me/+918088393304
It’s a beautiful eye opener to the world of Intimacy where the journey actually begins.
Wonderful Read Priti! …. very informative!
This article is full of insights. Good read.
Loved your article Priti. A holistic view of such a sensitive topic. Good Work!
A well written article Priti, you seem to have covered the subject in a holistic way. Despite the taboo surrounding the topic, you have written the article in simple, relatable language that could be understood by people of all ages.